When HR Isn’t Your Friend: What to Do Instead

Updated: Aug 11

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. It is important to consult with legal professionals for guidance on specific legal matters.

Results on engagements and online courses may vary, successful outcome is not guaranteed.

Let me say this plain: HR is not your friend—especially if you’re a Black woman.

If you’ve ever walked into HR expecting fairness and walked out feeling gaslit or labeled, you are not alone. I’ve been there. I’ve talked to hundreds of Black women who’ve been there. And I created AntiHR because I was tired of watching people like us get played by systems that were never built to protect us.

So let’s talk about what to do when HR isn’t your ally—and how you can protect yourself before it’s too late.

HR Works for the Company—Not You

Despite what they want you to believe, HR does not exist to protect you. They exist to protect the employer from liability. If you speak up about racism, retaliation, or bias, they’re already calculating the legal risk and preparing to contain it.

They may smile. They may “thank you for bringing this to their attention.”But don’t get it twisted: they are not neutral.They are documenting what you say—and building a file on you.

1. Document Everything—For Yourself

If HR isn’t there to help, then your documentation becomes your weapon. Start keeping a secure, private record of:

What happened
When and where it happened
Who witnessed it
What was said or done
What you did next

Use your personal device, not your work computer. Screenshot. Forward emails to a personal address. Be ready. If you need help organizing this,

I created the AntiHR Documentation Journal to make that part easier for you.

📘 It’s free when you join my AntiHR Membership Community—and it’s a tool I wish I had when I was still in those rooms myself.

2. Don’t Confuse Friendly HR With Supportive HR

They might act nice, but that doesn’t mean they’re on your side.

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve worked with who opened up to HR in good faith, only to find themselves:

On a PIP weeks later
Ostracized by management
Gaslit by people they trusted

HR is not your therapist. You don’t need to tell them your full story. You need to build a record, protect yourself, and make strategic decisions—not emotional ones.

3. Know the Type of Workplace You’re Dealing With

Not all toxic jobs are the same. Part of what I teach is helping you figure out what you're really dealing with:

A toxic workplace is harmful, but not necessarily illegal
A hostile workplace is targeted, retaliatory, and aggressive
A discriminatory hostile workplace is all of the above—with a clear connection to your race, gender, or identity

Once you know which one you're in, you can plan your next move—whether it’s staying with boundaries, documenting for severance, or preparing to leave with leverage.

🎓 I break all of this down in my mastercourse bundle,

which includes

👉🏾 How to Ask for an Exit from a Discriminatory Hostile Workplace with Cash👉🏾 Mastering Separation Agreements

4. Don’t Just Quit. Strategize Your Exit.

Leaving a job might feel like freedom—but don’t walk away with nothing.

Before you leave:

Know what you want (severance? a neutral reference?)
Gather your documentation
Have a script ready
Understand the risks and options

This is exactly what I walk people through in my AntiHR Hostile Work Environment Escape Strategy Program. You don’t have to stay and suffer—but you also don’t have to leave broke and broken. There’s a smarter way out.

5. Get Help From Someone Who Works for You

HR doesn’t work for you. But I do.

This is my lane. I’m an HR consultant, a former employment lawyer, and I’ve spent over 30 years on the inside. I’ve seen how companies cover themselves—and I know how to help you protect yourself.

If you’re dealing with racism, retaliation, or just a toxic setup at work, I can help you:

Figure out what’s happening
Document it properly
Decide when and how to speak up
Get out with dignity—and maybe even a check

✊🏾 Need support? You don’t have to navigate this alone.

When you join my AntiHR Membership Community, you get free access to:

📘 the AntiHR Documentation Journal

🗺️ the Roadmap to Understanding Your Workplace Rights

These are two essential tools that help you protect yourself and stay empowered.

Inside my community, I go beyond conversation.I equip you with real strategies, practical resources, and the support you need to stand strong—no matter what kind of workplace you’re in.

👉🏾 Click here to join now

You deserve more than survival.

If you’re dealing with a toxic, hostile, or discriminatory workplace and HR is showing you who they really work for—believe them. But don’t let that stop you from protecting yourself and planning your next move. I created AntiHR so you don’t have to suffer in silence or stumble through the exit alone. You have power. You have options. And when you move strategically, you don’t just walk away—you walk away with receipts, your dignity, and sometimes a check. Let me help you make that happen.

For more tips about navigating and escaping difficult HR situations:

📅 Book a Discovery Call HERE

📱 Follow me on Social Media at @theantihrhrlady

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📧 Subscribe to my website for the latest updates and resources

💡 Want to thank me for this blog post?

☕ Buy Me Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Sannemarie

Grab some AntiHR Merch in the AntiHR Shop: https://antihr.shop/collections/antihr-merch

HR is not your enemy — but they are definitely not your friend.