How to Navigate Gaslighting at Work — Without Losing Your Sanity

Anne Marie the AntiHR Lady
Jul 30
4 min read

Updated: Aug 11

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. It is important to consult with legal professionals for guidance on specific legal matters.

Results on engagements and online courses may vary, successful outcome is not guaranteed.

“That’s not what I said.”“You misunderstood me.”“You’re being too sensitive.”

If you’ve ever walked out of a meeting questioning your own memory or found yourself repeatedly re-reading emails just to confirm you’re not losing it — you’re not alone. What you’re experiencing may not be poor communication. It may be gaslighting.

And for Black professionals — especially Black women — workplace gaslighting is not only common, it’s often excused or denied. Let’s break down what gaslighting really looks like on the job, why it hits us harder, and how to protect your peace, power, and paper in the face of it.

What Gaslighting Looks Like at Work

Gaslighting at work isn’t always loud or obvious. It’s often subtle, polite, and cloaked in the language of “feedback,” “alignment,” or “professionalism.”

It can look like:

Your boss denying conversations you know happened
Someone moving the goalposts on your assignments — then blaming you for missing them
Being told your tone is “off” when you ask clarifying questions
Colleagues pretending to be confused when you raise valid concerns
Being blamed for outcomes that were out of your control

It’s not just annoying. It’s a calculated way to control the narrative and make you doubt your credibility — especially if you’re already navigating bias because of your race or gender.

Why It Hits Us Harder

Gaslighting is damaging for anyone, but it hits differently for Black employees. Especially Black women.

You’re not just questioning a memory — you’re questioning your right to be in the room.

Gaslighting is often layered with racial and gender stereotypes, like:

The “angry Black woman” trope
The myth of being “difficult” or “unapproachable”
Being labeled “intimidating” simply for setting boundaries
Being viewed as “negative” for calling out bias or inconsistencies

When you raise legitimate concerns, the gaslighting kicks in — and suddenly you’re not seen as credible, competent, or collaborative. You're just a “problem.”

Signs You’re Being Gaslit

Here are red flags that you may be experiencing workplace gaslighting:

You’re constantly second-guessing yourself
You keep receipts for everything — because people keep denying things
You feel anxious before meetings or hesitant to speak
You’re told you’re “not a team player” when you advocate for yourself
You feel like you're the only one noticing contradictions or mistreatment
Feedback is vague, personal, or focused on your tone — not your work

How to Protect Your Peace and Power

You can’t always stop people from gaslighting you. But you can disrupt their strategy — and protect your clarity.

Believe Yourself First

Start here. You don’t need outside validation to confirm your experience.If it feels manipulative, contradictory, or shady — it probably is.Your instincts are not broken. Trust them.

Document Everything — Always

Start and maintain a log of incidents.Capture:

Dates and times
What was said or done
Who was present
How you responded
How it made you feel

Save emails, meeting recaps, chat logs, and project instructions.

📓 Need help getting organized?

Download the AntiHR Documentation Journal — free for all AntiHR Members.

Push for Written Follow-Up

After verbal instructions or shifting expectations, always follow up with an email. Try:

“Just summarizing our conversation to confirm expectations moving forward…”

This protects your paper trail and reduces their ability to flip the script.

Refuse the Role of the Problem

When your concern gets flipped into a tone conversation, stay focused:

“I’d like to center the substance of the issue, not how I delivered it.”

Do not accept being reframed as the issue for daring to name the problem.

Talk It Out — Outside the Workplace

Gaslighting thrives on isolation. Find a support circle that gets it — therapist, coach, community. Someone who can help you re-anchor your reality.

🧠 Join the AntiHR Membership Community to connect with people who see it clearly and have your back.

Create a Game Plan — Especially If It’s Chronic

If the gaslighting doesn’t stop — it’s time to move strategically:

Organize your documentation
Review your legal rights and protections
Prepare for a possible exit
Consider negotiating a severance agreement

🗺️ Use the Roadmap to Understanding Your Workplace Rights to begin planning your next move.

You don’t have to stay where you’re not safe — especially when you have a strategy to leave on your terms.

Let’s Be Real…

This is deeper than a communication issue. Gaslighting is how white supremacist workplace culture maintains itself without ever having to say the word “racism.”

It punishes truth-telling. It rewards silence.And it works best when you start questioning you instead of them.

But you’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone.